.:.Roles & Rules: The Butch-Femme Issue.:.

I'm the Butch, That's Why
By Chris Salvatierra, Indigo Corewomyn

There I go, strutting down the lane - leather shoes, slacks, and a long-sleeved dress shirt neatly tucked in. Hair cropped short, and unruffled by the breeze that keeps my pace. Not smiling nor frowning, but smirking - a sort of half-smile, half-frown; just enough to show those lips. Meaning to look to look mean. In one word - tough.

Generally, butches are the more masculine-looking lesbians. Although they vary from gentle butch, feminist butch, classic butch, boot butch, and extreme butch, for me, they are all butches. I come from the old school of butches - slightly chauvinistic, slightly traditional, and a bit overprotective to the woman/women we like or love.

The old school is a chauvinistic way of looking at things. There are times when my partner will ask me why I can do "this", but I won't let her do it - well, maybe like driving. Even if I'm tired, if we have to go by car, I drive, and not she.

If I go home late - very late - it's ok; but I freak out when she's not home by seven. If she has to work late, I usually fetch her from work. She doesn't do that for me, nor do I expect her or demand her to do it.

It's ok if I call her my wife, but it's not good hearing her calling me her wife. I can't explain it either. I don't want to be called anyone's wife nor husband. I think I lose my "masculinity" when I am referred to as a "wife" or "girlfriend", yet I don't want to be called "husband", because I am, first and foremost, a woman.

As a budding teenager, starting from Grade 5 and on till high school, I really thought that I was a man trapped inside a woman's body. Somehow, a voice inside of me told me I was a woman. True enough, every time I go take a shower, I know, because I can see I am a woman. I think I am masculine and feminine at the same time. I was surprised to see the awe in a fellow butch's face when I told her that if I had been born a man, I would have been gay. I cannot understand some lesbians (or so they say) that they would like to have a dick. Is this "penis envy"?

At present, I see that the butch-femme thing is not always a true picture of things. This is actually a very good development. It is really high time for people, for heterosexuals especially, to see that there are no "typical" lesbians. This breaks down the stereotypes and beliefs that lesbians are just role-playing. I believe that when a relationship is based on role-playing, then it is just for show - hence, a shallow one.

Although I would rather die than have a butch for a partner (imagine both of you saying "pogi" to each other?), I keep my mind open. What matters in a relationship is respect and building your friendship.

I would like to get married in church someday. My partner asked me if I would wear a "traje de boda".

OF COURSE NOT! I'M THE BUTCH, THAT'S WHY!

© Chris Salvatierra 2002

Other Articles
Organizing Pride in Manila 2002: Halo-halo. Pare-pareho. Pantay-pantay.

Gay Games VI Chronicle

About The Author
Chris, as she is called by her wife - Kokoy to her Indigo friends - drives a car lovingly named Macho. She was last year's and (still) 2003 Overall Coordinator of Task Force Pride activities.